Cell phone inspired stupidity ... or why I hate shopping

As the holidays approach, my patience is in rapid decline. Usually because some idiot or asshole in front of me (whether driving or walking) is on their cell phone stopping for no apparent reason, driving or walking too slow, or just fucking oblivious that ANYONE ELSE ON THE FUCKING PLANET exists besides them and their conversant. If you know me ... are friends with me or are an casual acquaintance with me, you KNOW that I loathe people that are like this. My feeling is that if you own a piece of equipment that requires you to

1. Think while operating
2. Slow down your central nervous system to a slug like capacity
3. Brings out the idiot in you

Guess what ... DON'T USE THAT DEVICE IN VIEW OF OTHERS.

My example ... I was shopping for my holiday meal yesterday .. at Whole Food's ... (there's a whole other story about my feeling about this bastion of insanity ... but we'll get to that later) and a woman with her husband in tow were in front of me in the aisle. If you're at all familiar with Whole Crack, you'll know that the aisle's are not very wide. There was a box on the floor in front of said woman and she simply had to maneuver around the box and go on her merry way. All the while she's on her cell, talking to some idiot child or other adult somewhere about something no one but her and it would have even the most slight interest in. Rather than move around the box, she stopped blocking the aisle and stood there. OBLIVIOUS to the fact that she was now blocking traffic in BOTH directions. I said ... loud enough for her to hear ... "It's like being in fucking traffic with IDIOTS on their cell phones." I KNOW that she heard me.

Anyway ... enough about that ...

devices to operate once you spend a small amount of time with them, but there are certain rules of etiquette regarding their usage that should be obeyed:


1) Location: There are places where it is dangerous or simply inappropriate to use a cell phone (or even have it turned on ready to receive calls). Your judgment is your best guide in these cases, but three places spring to mind as no-cell areas: any performance venue (opera, music hall, movie theater, etc.), the inside of a vehicle which you are driving, and inside certain areas of hospitals. The reasons behind the first two should be very obvious to any but the dullest members of society. The latter is due to the fact that certain kinds of emissions can interfere with some medical instrumentation (such as is present in emergency rooms and near operating rooms).



2) Time: There are some times when whatever you are doing is more important than whatever may come over the air waves to you on your phone. An example would be when you are having an important discussion with a business partner, customer, or significant other. Interrupting the conversation to chat with a friend about the weather and gasoline prices is inappropriate at best and very rude at worst. Once again, your own judgment should be the best guide.


3) Volume: Most people seem to raise their voices when speaking on cellular phones. Perhaps it is because the phone's speaker apparatus is quieter than they are used to, but for whatever the reason this is no excuse to project your end of the conversation to every ear within ten paces. The party on the other end of the line can hear you quite well, and you should speak in a tone of voice appropriate to your surroundings until your caller asks you to do otherwise (at which point you should retreat to a private spot as much as is possible). Mastering this component of proper cell phone etiquette seems to be the most difficult for many, as it requires that they focus on their surrounding ambient noise level as well as their conversation.


As a responsible cell phone user, you should be aware of the aural space of those around you and the environment you are in before placing or receiving a call. Your judgment is, as always in matters of social behavior, your best indicator to what is proper. As a final note of inspiration, consider the recently enacted law in the city-state of Singapore that dictates that drivers caught conversing on a cell phone face not only stiff monetary penalties but prison time as well after the first offense.